I do not know at what velocity I hit the post with my head. Alongside the stars, I saw the cus words flying in front of my vision. They also spewed out of my mouth. Interesting how pain causes nano-second responses.
Living with someone with PTSD, I never know when or where or how there will be a hair trigger response, but there will be one. As Christopher heals, I find life for myself easing as well. I find more brain space to think of and take care of things that have not been a priority. And when his behavior triggers me, more and more often, I can take my pause, not take it personally and do my best to support. Sometimes support looks like nurturing (my 1st natural response), sometimes giving space, sometimes taking care of a task that was overwhelming Christopher in the moment. What is usually not needed, I am realizing is that it is not my job to fix it. I also don’t have to beat myself up for letting my guard down and I don’t have to be as vigilant. That is just exhausting.
I think it is time for me to heal a bit too.